A silly little story for your amusement...
by M. Pax
©2014 M. Pax, all rights reserved
The stupidest superpower in existence is mine, a transparent leg. What the hell is a superhero supposed to do with that? For one, I don’t get a cool name like KickButt Woman. Nope
The other superheroes laugh at me. A lot. That’d be OK if I could be a regular woman. That can’t happen with a transparent leg. No open-toed shoes for me. No shorts. No little black dress. I tried painting the leg, but haven’t found any paint to stick. Stockings work, but they’re out of fashion and since they’re not completely opaque my legs turn different colors. Tights do a better job. I wear them a lot, despite them being way too warm for any season other than winter. The other three seasons, I look really lame and sweaty.
How I got my name… In elementary school, I threw a tantrum about rolling up my pants to wade through a massive puddle at the front entrance, resulting in suspension and labeled a troublemaker. My parents wised up and sent in a doctor’s note about how I always had to wear pants. Always.
The principal made fun of the odd request. Mary Marcy Renner had been in the adjoining nurse’s office, sick, waiting on her mother. Not too sick to hear the whole thing. If you want the world to know your business, make Mary Marcy your best friend. She dubbed me ‘Dork Pants’.
On my fourteenth birthday, the superhero council moved me to the hero academy. I don’t fit in there either. Lasso Girl decided Dork Pants was the perfect alias for me. Everyone calls me that, including my trainers and teachers.
I can’t do anything special, nothing better than anyone else. I’m slow. I’m clumsy. I can’t fly or jump. And the one time I tried out a cape, well, Lasso Girl will be out of her leg casts soon.
While visiting her in the hospital, because I was forced to, I discovered I should embrace my dorkiness. It makes sick people laugh and feel good. I keep working on it. As far as I figure, making people feel good is the best superpower there is.
Hi Mary - I flunk out .. but I loved your story .. the moral is the best bit .. find out how to make people laugh, be happy and have a smile always at the ready ... cheers HilaryReplyDelete
It was a fun story to write.Delete
Great story. And great super-power.ReplyDelete
Stupider (or more useless) super power? The ability to count the stars in the sky and the grains of sand on the beach.
That may have a purpose if you're tied up by the Joker and an hour glass is going.Delete
Awesome story! A transparent leg is useless. It's hard to think of anything stupider than that! Have you ever read (or listened to) "Playing for Keeps" by Mur Lafferty? It's about the superheroes that have the crappy powers. Hehehe!ReplyDelete
I'll have to check that out.Delete
That would be an awful superpower(less?) power to have! I suppose using it to make others laugh proves some good comes out of it though. Perhaps hiding around a corner and tripping the bad guys would work, too. :) Thanks for the laugh!ReplyDelete
Oh, now there's a purpose.Delete
Now, I feel sorry for that guy. How sad. And nope, can't think of a stupider super-power at the moment. Perhaps, the ability to twitch your eyebrows at super speed.ReplyDelete
That's good and lameDelete
Stupider than a transparent leg? Um. Two transparent legs? A legless body could shock a few people to death ;)ReplyDelete
Shocking folks could be more useful than one transparent leg, though.Delete
Funny story, Mary. How about the ability to drain flashlights just by touching them? Sadly that really is my super power...ReplyDelete
I can make computers go bonkers. Draining flashlights could be useful in particular situationsDelete
Maybe a transparent leg could act as a burning glass and create fires in strong sunlight, or blind the supervillain and so escape his fiendish trap. A stupid super power? Communicating with ants, maybe you could get them to leave your house, but otherwise not a lot of use.ReplyDelete
A long time ago there used to be a comedy radio program that featured Captain Invisible and the Seethrough Kid. They were hopeless, tripping each other and generally getting in the way and they could never find the Invisible car.
Commanding fire ants and biting ants could be quite useful. I once invented a character named Antgirl. That radio show sounds fun.Delete
Okay, I'm going out on a limb here. You never know when a transparent leg might come I handy. Like, if Dork Pants needed to hide behind a curtain, she could stand on her transparent leg and lift the other one up. So, you go, Dork Pants!ReplyDelete
All right, that's a fair use of a transparent legDelete
But the person can trip people without them knowing who did it. That's something, right? Fun story, Mary!ReplyDelete
Yes, it's something. Probably not real impressive to the other superheroes.Delete
Well you did have Lasso girl in the hospital right? I think a worse one would be Pun Girl-she drives people nuts by her constant use of bad puns. Love the ending and she should embrace her dorkiness. Dork is cool in my bookReplyDelete
Snort girl would be pretty bad too.ReplyDelete
Fun story! I thought of Moist's power from Dr. Horrible as another not-very-awesome super power. ;)ReplyDelete
I loved Dr. HorribleDelete
Funny story, and a tad heartwarming, too.ReplyDelete
A more moronic superpower? Making parsley fly?
Yeah, that's pretty moronic but could be useful when fighting a villain in a restaurant.Delete
Very cute story. I think my children have a superpower of driving me bonkers. LolReplyDelete
All kids have that power.Delete
Fun story (and comments)! What if your superpower was having excessively long eyelashes? I am not sure *what* you could do with them, and they would get in your way. Forget wearing glasses or sunglasses. You might even have to tuck them under a hat.ReplyDelete
OK, uber long eyelashes may win, unless you can use them in place of rope.Delete
How about the ability to predict yesterday's lottery numbers.